Mr Kennedy released, my plan develops

http://www.wwe.com/inside/news/kennedyreleased


This is wonderful, because ever since I first saw Eric Young, I was wishing and hoping for this day. Now Kennedy can be brought to TNA as Eric Young's older brother and they can tag team. :) That would be sweet.

VHS Tea and other Brazilian homemade highs

Click



I like the chloroform mix. Seems like if you need to loosen someone's tongue, it'd be what to use.
8 fl oz. ether
15 fl oz. chloroform
2 fl oz. grain alcohol or nail-polish remover
2 fl oz. perfume essence

Hot Topic's Model's Trackmarks

_click_ via Photoshop Disasters

"Proud non-reader" Kanye West turns author

Good article on Kanye West saying he hates books and yet he would like you to buy his, which has a sentence per two pages for 52 pages, saying things like "Life is 5% what happens and 95% how you react."

He's a gay fish, you know.


I think one part of the article was interesting. His mother was a retired university English professor. He dedicates his ass-book to her, which is SO insulting, but the interesting thing is that she died in 2007 due to complications following cosmetic surgery.

Hmm... why would a retried English professor suddenly decide to get cosmetic surgery invasive enough to kill her? I'm betting it was a present from her newly rich rapper son. I think Kanye West is responsible for his mom's death.

On the future of books

Got to reading Transmetropolian by chance and it gave me an itch to write.

Transmet is the story of Spider Jerusalem, a pissed off journalist in the near future.  Transmet is co-created by Darick Robertson, who also co-created The Boys, one of the few comics worthy of the term "good" that's still being run.  Spider Jerusalem is a rip-off of Raoul Duke, the main character of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, which in itself is a fictionalized autobiography of Hunter S. Thompson.  But Transmet predates the movie by a year and while parallel production is possible, I'm calling Transmet the first of the two.  Hunter S. Thompson got the honor of being on of Cracked.com's 6 Writers Who Accidentally Crapped Out Masterpieces: 

Thompson, never one for deadlines, responsibilities or coherence,
started sending his bosses pages ripped out of his personal journal. Go
ahead, try that at your job, see how it goes. Especially if your
journal includes paragraphs like this:

"The sporting editors had also given me $300 in cash, most of
which was already spent on extremely dangerous drugs. The trunk of the
car looked like a mobile police narcotics lab. We had two bags of
grass, 75 pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter
acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of
multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers . . . and also a
quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw
ether and two dozen amyls."

But, if you're Hunter S. Thompson, your editor sends it off for immediate publication and you become the voice of your generation.

The lesson? Contrary to what your parents told you, drugs and motorcycle racing go together beautifully.

I can't say Fear and Loathing without saying: "We can't stop here.  This is bat country."


I'd like to write and the first thought is write a book, an endeavor I've started on three separate occasions with failure each time.  Do we even need books anymore?  Books in the traditional sense, I mean.  Heresy for an English teacher, but then again, I am a former English teacher, aren't I?  Removed from my position of trust because nobody trusted me.

Books on the other hand aren't the same as they were, if they ever were how we romanticized them as being.  Non-fiction dominates with self-help leading the charge at that brigade.  Behind that are observational humor of comedians and finally fiction.  We get things like Twilight and Harry Potter and book sets instead of books.  Serial novels.  Like how we perfected digital cellphone technology and said, "You know what?  I want my 21st century communications device to behave like a Vietnam walkie-talkie" we've been slipping backwards into the realm of the serial from the early days of cinema.  This sort of thing is blamed on the internet and television for giving us the attention span of a gnat, but fuck that thinking.  We're a generation raised on Nintendo with the answer to every question just a few keystrokes away, whether we're on the bus or getting coffee or at the office or at home.

Amazing coincidence that despite having an "inferior attention span" we run intellectual circles around the slow and old.  There's no more old and wise as people only a few years out of the loop need the help of the young to manage any amount of information.

"Read a newspaper."
"We have feeds of information coming to us constantly.  We know more about current events than you do and we know about the day's events before the newspaper prints what they feel is fit to print.  Anyone wishing for a sepia toned heyday of newspaper is in denial."


You know the best selling books of the last ten years?  Da Vinci Code, The Purpose Driven Life, Harry Potter, and two Chinese books.  I don't know the Chinese books, but their General Tso makes some great chicken.  Da Vinci Code was preceded by Angels and Demons and followed by The Lost Symbol.  Harry Potter is a 7 book series.  The Purpose Driven Life is 40 stand-alone mini-chapters.  I know we can attribute Potter and Da Vinci to the Trilogy Rule which states that anything worth a buck in media will get at least two sequels, but who says that we want a single story anymore?

If books are out, then where do you turn?  I know that some of the best writing I've read in the last five years has come out of comic books.  It makes sense that a serial story succeeds in a serial story society.  Maybe that's why were balls-deep in a superhero culture right now.  Twenty years ago, there wasn't a rapper with a Superman shield tattooed on them and Spider-Man was for little kids' underroos.  "Batman" was considered a risky venture at the time, but happened at just the right time.  1988-89 was the start of a superhero culturial beatdown which continues to this day.

You saw an explosion like this with arcades when in the late 70s they started popping up, but by the late 80s they were everywhere.  I played Robocop in my orthidontist's waiting room and there were two more cabinets to choose from.  Try to find an arcade today and you'd better be in Japan, cause that's the only place left that it thrives.  Of course, Japan has always been about 30 years behind the US culturally, so that's expected.  Video games were able to survive the implosion and oversaturation because they reshaped and reformed and found their way into homes as a new fixture.  We're going to have to see that with comics if they want to survive and with the freeway laid out by that restructure, we'll have a new avenue for books in serialized form.

Right now we have the Kindle doing well, but now we have several other companies with their own version of an electronic book.  That flat over priced type of monochromatic computer that lets you read with your hands, and carry a whole library with you.  Of course, netbooks do the same thing for cheaper and they do a lot more because they're real computers.  Give it a few years to see stylized netbooks combine the easy of e-readers with their price points.  Give it a few more years to get a thousand competing models with a heavy market share of a single software making them compatible and you'll get your new library.  You'll pick up this book and open it up and see a list of all the new news that you subscribed to or picked news based on your interests.  You'll see every book outside of a copyright and the option to buy anything in a copyright.  You'll have Stephen King continuing his chapter-at-a-time e-publishing and the other authors that follow suite.  The future of books, of news, of anything written, is in chunks that are available immediately after composition sent electronically everyday to a portable electronic device.

And when you start thinking about that type of publishing and you think about the serial nature of it all, you'll see that we're going back to Flash Gordon's and the Three Stooge's 15 minute adventures before the feature presentation, the syndicated cartoon strip of superheroes in the daily newspaper, and the shorter, self-contained chapters of Around the World in 80 Days and Gulliver's Travels.  If you don't believe me, you have look no further than the popularity of YouTube, the popularity of webcomics, and the popularity of serial story-writing in literature today.

Star Trek review

You know my movie reviews are actually popular? I have people bring them up out of nowhere, usually saying they refuse to read them until they've seen the movie. With that in mind, yes, there are spoiler warnings.

So I saw Star Trek at the bidding of Kiri. I would've waited for a ripped version at Pirate Bay but she wanted to see it for her birthday. Yeah, I'm lucky like that.

First of all, you should know that Star Trek was a big part of my upbringing. My dad thought that Star Trek and Flash Gordon fulfilled his requirement to bring "culture" into my life. I have a firm stance that the original series was the best and no movie or spinoff since can top it. I would rather watch the original appearance of Khan than the Wrath of Khan. I don't even look at Enterprise/Deep Space Nine/Voyager. Next Generation is worth some time, but Kirk is still King. I prefer my starship captains to out-talk Roman gods, fight Nazis in time travel, and seek out new life and new civilizations, then have sex with their women. On Futurama, Zap Branigan is Captain Kirk with only the lightest hint of satire. It was like watching Austin Powers if it was an action movie.

Now, on that note, I would like to point out two things missing from my rebooted Kirk. Specifically two fighting moves that knocked out aliens across the universe. The Kirk Kick, the Human Bowling Ball and the mighty Kirk Punch.

To perform the Kirk Kick, you initiate a dropkick, but you pretend you are an 90 year old woman. This usually means using the scenery to pull yourself up, jumping off something higher and flailing in the air, or attaining the fetal position in mid-air. I understand why this was not in the movie.

The Human Bowling Ball consists of something that you would expect a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle to execute, but instead you are the figurehead captain of an interstellar police force. Kind of like if the Green Lantern stomped on someone's toes. It consists of throwing yourself somewhere near the victim's feet so that it is somewhat possibly maybe conceivable that you may have tripped them. The victim then does a somersault onto a visible mat. I understand why this was not in the movie.

The Kirk Punch however, is the most devastating move in the known universe, unrivalled in its badassness and awesomeness. To describe it as a double axe handle to the back is like calling the sun a ball of fire. In all the years of Star Trek, only one man ever shrugged off the Kirk Punch. KHAAAAAAAN!!!

People like this fight because it's the only instance of the HurraKirkrana, but I like it because Khan actually shrugs off THREE Kirk Punches! Unbelievable. Why wasn't the might of the Kirk Punch featured in the reboot?!




Ok, enough fanboyism. On to the movie. I loved it, five stars. Can't say enough about it. I told everyone it felt like Star Wars meets Firefly. For less geeky friends I said, it was more like Star Wars than Star Trek. Then I saw this and realized how right I was.

Hmm... hadn't made all those connections before. Wonder what JJ Abrams thinks.

(Speaking of Wars/Trek, R2D2 cameos in Trek)

JJ Abrams is our new favorite guy. His other works, Fringe, Lost, and Cloverfield give you an idea of what Trek is like.

So we start by seeing Papa Kirk get killed as Baby Kirk is born. Since Papa Kirk is in the Original Series, things start out weird. This is later explained through Back to the Future II logic. Spock and the villain "Nero" travel back in time, creating an alternate time line. So Kirk could die as an infant and be in keeping with the time line. I actually thought Scotty was going to die in the movie once they explained it.

We then get treated to baby badasses Spock and Kirk. Kirk steals a car, outruns a cop, drives it into a canyon and tells off a cop. Spock acts all Vulcan til someone picks on his mom, then he beats the green shit out of the kid that called her a whore. Fast forward to teenage badasses Spock and Kirk. Kirk is drinking and fighting and fighting and drinking. Spock delivers the line "Live Long and Prosper" but it sounds like "Go Fuck Yourselves, I'm Outtie. CHILL!" to the Vulcan High Council.

Kirk meets Bones on the flight to Starfleet Academy. See, Commander Pike convinced him to join. "Pike? Why does that name seem so familiar?"



Yeah, I don't see good things in his future. Sure enough, he's in a wheelchair by the end of the movie, though he's not speaking with a binary bulb in his heart and cruising around in the Stephen Hawking 6000 ProAm.

Bones has the best introduction of the film, even better than the baby badasses. He's hiding in the bathroom of the ship because there's no windows and of course, Dr McCoy has aviophobia; "You know what that is? That's a fear of dying in a flying vehicle." He then introduces himself to Kirk with "I might throw up on you" and lists all the possible ways that they could die in this short trip like a cross between Forest Gump's shrimp-obsessed Benjamin 'Bubba' Blue and Pooh Bears clinically depressed friend Eeyore.

Eventually Kirk and Spock are at Starfleet Academy together and some more difference start to emerge. Spock is the programmer on the Kobayashi Maru. Yes. This will go well.


Kirk pimps the Kobayashi (it's a real fanboy moment as we never actually have seen this, only heard tales of him beating the unbeatable no-win scenario), which pisses off Spock, who was tasked with making it unbeatable.

Explanation: Kirk entered Starfleet later than in the original series, resulting in the coincidence.



Oh noes! EMERGENCY! And our regular starfleet is out to lunch... or something. They don't really explain WHY all the cadets are suddenly promoted to five-star generals and sent to war, but it does really remind me of Starship Troopers. ("We're going to WAR!")

Bones and Kirk have one of the best comedy scenes of the movie to get Kirk on board the Enterprise and you get the first hints that Spock is the one tapping Uhura's bodacious black booty.

Explanation: Kirk entered Starfleet later, so no fling with her, so she was open to Spock.

Kirk gets to save the ship from a trap by putting 2 and 2 together. The first 2 is that he was born during this same trap and the second 2 is that while he was giving a green chick the sexual stuffing of her life, he overheard some news from Uhura as she stripped to her undies. (Can't blame Kirk, the green chick is an Orion who exhudes phermones, they do make a small slut joke about this)

It's like a $100 million budget movie. Could they have spent more than $5 on Spock's wig? On the subject of Spock, I couldn't get Zachary Quinto's role of Sylar out of my mind for the first 10 minutes he was on screen. I kept expecting him to slice open a skull and eat a brain. Quinto DID look just like old Spock so when he stood next to Nemoy, you got an amazing effect without needing effects.

Anyway, cool stuff continues to happen. Nemoy somehow manages to be the worst actor of the film (but still good). Nemoy's role was fantastic. I had heard that original Kirk, that Priceline Guy, turned down a chance to cameo and it was a good choice. He didn't look like his replacement and it didn't make sense to the story, nor could it have without major rewrites the script and Star Trek history.

A few things to watch...

Pepsi Throwback and Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms

There.  That's better.  Myspace is just so clumsy.  Anyway. 

Pepsi Throwback = Good
Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms = Bad






Pepsi Throwback is liquid Nirvana.  It doesn't taste like Pepsi, but with sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup.  No instead its magical wonder must be tried for itself, no words can describe it.  It's like the Matrix.  No one can be told what the Throwback is.



Nebraska must burn.



On the other hand Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms can be described with words.  Words like "ass" and "shit" and "assshit" and "shitass."  When I saw it I thought I was getting myself into something akin to Goober:


Even John Pinette would say nay nay to these "candies"



First of all, it is not, as I thought, a peanut butter and strawberry jelly flavor.  I even had hopes that perhaps some of the M&Ms were regular peanut butter with experimental strawberry or strawberry-chocolate candies mixed in.  Oh no.  You should read the package carefully, for it tells the truth.  "Strawberried Peanut Butter"  You taste one and go "What the hell is this?  This is disgusting."

Then the junk food analysis begins once the initial shock wears off and you start to reason it.  It doesn't taste like peanut butter or strawberry.  What does it taste like?  Someone, in a fit of sleep apnea, dreamt up a wild product: Strawberry-Flavored Peanut Butter!  This person thought it was genius, but alas, they worked at Mars candy company, not Smucker's.  "I shall make a candy to taste like my imaginary product!" he yells to no one in particular, disturbing the migrant Mexican workers with hairnets on their moustaches.

That's what it tastes like.  Like if strawberry-flavored peanut butter was real and someone made a candy with the licensing rights to it.

Are these songs by Jonathon Coulton or Michael Bolton?

BBspot - Jonathan Coulton or Michael Bolton


I got 10/12, but I actually only recognized 2 Coulton songs.

Link Love #2

CatGenie Self-Flushing Self-Washing Cat Box Review — The Gadgeteer -This is a new way to get out of cleaning cat boxes.

"Reviews For The Next Six Indiana Jones Movies" by Owen and Ben on CollegeHumor -Humor

Kotaku - The Millionth Word In The English Language Could Be... - noob - "A million words and all we have to show for it is 'noob'"  I'm just jazzed there's a million English words.

9 favorite Google Android apps | Crave - CNET - I don't have a Gphone.  But I like to pretend.

Identify: Google People With Two Keystrokes - ReadWriteWeb - I'm trying to build my online presence.

Lifehacker - DIY Bicycle-Powered USB Device Charger - MintyBoost - The expensive motor makes me want to hunt down a replacement in the junkyard.

173 Radical Retrofuturistic Designs & Technologies | WebUrbanist - Retro-future

Picasa Web Albums - Ebenezer - Mad Science

6 Cent LED Throwie - Instructibles

Stupid KFC

KFC's around the country are backing up from their initial Oprah-fueled coupon catastrophe.  Initially you could get a free 2 piece grilled meal with two sides and a biscuit for free by going to KFC's very careful, restrictive coupon printer... which quickly broke under the influx of Oprah-lovers, chicken-lovers, and freebie-lovers.  So KFC linked to Oprah's website where it had the coupon in much less restrictive format, allowing you to print out thousands and thousands of free meals. 

The unthinkfc.com coupon had a unique sixteen digit serial code.  The Oprah site had a single coupon with the serial code 1234.

The dining room lines were out the door and the drive-thru line threatened traffic flow on major highways.  The first victim to fall from this (at my location) was a sign at the drive-thru stating that the coupon was only valid for dining room.  It could've been for the sake of the traffic or that people were passing off the Oprah coupon.

The next victim was the dining room line.  I know.  You cancel out the drive-thru line and the dining room line, I assume that delivery of coupon through parcel post is the only way to go, and I'm half right.  Now you can get a raincheck at KFC to mail KFC's coupon to KFC and in return you'll get a KFC coupon.

Send them the raincheck and the coupon and they'll send you the same coupon back.

Two possible reasons:
1)  They weren't equipped for the demand created and want to use the snail mail and "processing time" to slow things down.
2)  They want to weed out the Oprah coupons.

Myself, I have 8 more Oprah coupons and 10 KFC coupons.

Par-tay time

My wife is indecisive.


It's her only flaw.  It makes her very interesting.  So we've been planning her birthday party for a week. It starts in 2.5 hours.  We still haven't decided anything about it.  Through careful process of elimination we've narrowed it down to two plans.


Plan A:  We go out with the guests to have sushi, ice cream, and watch 12 Rounds at the dollar theater.
Plan B:  We have guests come to our house, have dinner, cake, and play games and watch movies.


Completely opposite plans.

Ginger Attack!

Obama Love

Obama and Biden Lunch at Ray's Hell Burger - DCist: Washington DC News, Food, Arts & Events





I saw a great caption on a picture of Obama at a basketball game and it's applied to every picture since.  It was "You know what this is?  This is a picture of the president of the United States being awesome."

By itself, this is not a significant picture.  But let's think about why this is an awesome picture.

1)  This is a picture of the most powerful man in the world chillin'
2)  Obama is chillin' with Biden with obvious go-fuck-yourself to Secret Service protect the line of succession that only allows the two to be outside the White House or Capitol together for... well, never.
3)  That ain't rabbit food. That there is American food.  Honestly, did the leader of the free world really have to go "Ray's Hell Burger" to get this?  I just see it in the White House kitchen.  "I want a motherfucking hamburger and some tater tots.  Does Obama have to smack a bitch?  Fuck this noise, I'm going to Ray's.  Yo, Biden, we rollin'!"  lmao


For a little more though, consider the story:  (bolding is mine)

While Obama and Biden waited in line, the lunch crowd stood and gawked, some took pix with cell phones. The two guys in line ahead of them studied their menus, oblivious to who was behind them.

When Obama and Biden reached the front, Obama greeted the two order-takers. The guy who took Obama's order and money was Tim Murray. There's still some debate among press on exactly what Obama ordered, since it was hard to hear. He definitely had a burger. I heard him say "basic cheeseburger, medium well." But someone else heard him say "Swiss mushroom burger." He definitely asked Mr. Murray for "spicy mustard, if you have it." There may have also been talk of tater tots.

4)  The most powerful man in the world stood quietly in line and chilled while a couple of guys discussed what exactly is in a BLT.  He was so respectful, they didn't even know he was there.
5)  This was a surprise visit.  Significant for many reasons.  He's well liked enough to walk the streets.  Even though he's expected to receive assassination attempts his whole career, no one checked the crowd for weapons or secured the area.  This aides me in my theory that Obama is actually invulnerable.
6)  Guy was nice to the little people.
7)  Tater tots and spicy mustard (if you have it).  Nuff said.


Oh, and he put a fiver in the tip jar.  You know, jumpstart the economy.





Actually, he popped into a place call Ben's Chili Bowl one time and there was a line around the building for six weeks after.  Maybe this is Obama's stimulus plan.  He goes to an independently owned lunch spot and for six weeks they do amazing business.  Extra staff is hired, creating jobs.  Extra revenue could result in a franchise opening.  Making cheap food trendy will save Americans money.

Wait, this is the "O-Pattern".  Oprah saved the book industry, now Obama is going to save the restaurant industry.  Join the Obama Food Club today.

BBspot - Geek Horoscopes

Geek Horoscopes


Brought to You by Star Trek

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Because of a burst of tachyons the stars are unable to use sensors to detect your horoscope.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Wearing your red ensign shirt to the movie will just ensure you will be sent on the away mission to get popcorn and thus miss parts of the movie.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
The stars don't want you boldly going on them.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
You will discover that using your Bat'leth to keep people quiet in the theater only results in more screaming.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
You will embarrass your daughter with your phaser and Original Series Kirk shirt at the premiere. She'll never forget. Double your retirement savings.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Good News: You will be on your first away mission Bad News: You are security.


Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Your homemade Spock ears will be the laughing stock of everyone in line at the theater. Reconsider your idea of supergluing them to your ears.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
You will suffer "the wrath of Khan" after eating some bad gagh.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Casual Friday does not mean dressing up as a female Klingon. Expect the stockholders to point that out at the board meeting.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You will not live long or prosper. Spock is a liar.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
You will discover firsthand that the Vulcan Nerve Pinch is not as painful as the Vulcan Nut Pinch.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Your joke about wishing Christoper Pike had played Kirk in the new movie goes unlaughed at by your family.

Swine Flu? « Celebrity Pictures, Lol Celebs and Funny Actor and Actress Photos - ROFLrazzi